Erin here...we didn't formally meet at Jaidan's memorial service or at the luncheon. I'm sorry about that. I think we were all in shock, still, and busy meeting Jaidan's various friends and rediscovering how small the world is.

You gave me the web site address you've dedicated to Jaidan...thank you...it's beautiful...and soooo Jaidan!

How I wish I'd taken photos of him cuddling with our Raja, Shadow, Whiskers and Skelton, however, I can picture him having those wonderful cuddles with them in my mind. He did love cuddling with them! And, oh, how they loved him for it!

Another thing, did you ever find that Jaidan, sort of, cuddled your mind sometimes? I don't know how to put it into words, I don't mean it as in a dysfunctional, enabling (the unhealthy kind) way. But a true sharing of the mind, soul and genuine spirit. He was a young man capable of having a real friendship, where he was a real friend and allowed you to be a real friend (and human being). From your web site, I think you know what I mean? I hope I'm making sense and not sounding as if I am attempting to romanticize him? Oh my gosh, would Jaidan ever laugh over that!

I know that his depression caused him to withdraw sometimes. He talked about that quite a bit, at times, and what he thought some of the causes were. What a battle he had there. One of the last times we'd spoken, he told me he'd had further enlightenment about his depression and was planning the next steps to take, even though it was, as he'd put it, "pretty scary". He'd reached another level in his understanding of what his depression stemmed from and the fears brought along with it. He'd not put the fear and depression into the same equation quite this way before. He was looking forward to starting his healing 'processing' after his return from Vancouver, especially after the latest soul-searching.

Jaidan and I were much alike in the way we both felt another person's privacy and boundaries were to be respected/protected. Actually, we were both almost 'rabid' that way.

When Jaidan spoke about his friends he often didn't mention their names. For years I hadn't realized that his friend Betty was the Betty I know! Another friend of his, Don, is a very dear friend of my sister's and my brother-in-law's family, he'd married my sister and brother-in-law! And on and on....small world, eh? Jaidan spoke about you, too, I am assuming now. He'd talked about your computer, over the years, and about your Shadow. And about riding on the highway to visit you. Just so you know, it was all good stuff! You were definitely considered his friend, in his opinion, and he would chuckle! From the way he chuckled he obviously enjoyed your company!

Jaidan did speak about his impact on other people's lives, several times, actually. He spoke about it humbly, hoping he had made a difference, no matter how big or small...

A huge difference example: Helping care for his friend when she couldn't care for herself anymore (she passed away from cancer).

To a small everyday example: Fixing my bike seat and making sure it was 'just right' because it was important, to him, that it be 'just right' for me.

Jaidan was simply being my friend and knew how much I appreciated it! A mutually satisfying experience...and because of our friendship, we were both aware of it, too!

Jaidan 'bugged' me about letting him take home the mending I had piled up and couldn't do. I never let him, because I wanted to be able to do it, even though we both knew I probably couldn't. But Jaidan let me have my defiant fantasy and would remind me, occasionally, that he would love to do the mending if I found it too difficult. This was Jaidan being my friend, understanding and allowing my need to be defiant, at times, regarding my disabilities. He let me be a perfectly imperfect human being, accepting that I was going to be silly about this. However, Jaidan was very much aware that sometimes being a friend also meant giving a friend a 'wake up' speech, too. I witnessed him in action and he was so tactful and gentle about it and yet able to get his point across! Amazing!

I am so happy you understood what I meant about the cuddle thing, Shirley. I think Jaidan knew it, too, sometimes. I believe that is one of the things that allowed him to be as accepting as he was. I don't think he felt it made him special, I think he embraced it, when he was feeling good, and it allowed him the serenity you could see and feel from him when he was really feeling 'himself'.

Aaaargh! I'm laughing quite heartily right now. I don't know if Jaidan ever let his 'gutter mind' out with you sometimes, he actually had a very polite 'gutter mind'...but I just had a flashback on something funny he'd said to me recently about feeling himself. Every once in a while he'd shock me with something and then apologize (never meaning it as a sincere apology, either). He thought this was a good/funny thing to do ever since I'd told him some of the things the boys (our sons) told me. Our boys told me 'everything'. As their mother I didn't want to hear it or know everything, even though I did want to stay informed. Jaidan decided it was his duty to shock me every once in a while. As he put it, it was one of his 'sinful little pleasures'. Shock the mom! Sheesh!

Some of their friends still occasionally do this, these are young men in their late twenties and early thirties! I think they must have a pool going to see who can cause me to have a stroke! Actually, I'm just kidding, they don't mean any harm, I think it just gives them a laugh to see/hear my shock. Also, when boys/men are needing to speak to someone, seriously, about something personal that they are concerned about and it's something that makes them a bit uncomfortable, they seem to need to insert something with some funny/gross shock value to it in order to relieve their discomfort. What a mouthful, eh?

Maybe I'd better explain this rambling, eh? As you know, Jaidan had one testicle removed and had been to Vancouver. He called me, just wanting to talk and needing a little reassurance. Even though his remaining testicle was clear Jaidan was concerned about the possible future loss of that testicle and what the consequences would be. I, again, explained what I knew some of the options were, if that were to happen. He'd been worried about possible loss of libido, etc. prior to his first surgery. He was feeling pretty good about the results, though, so far so good. I reminded him that losing both testicles didn't prevent a man from having an erection or being able to achieve orgasm. Or stop a man from being a man or masculine. He would more than likely still be able to perform sexually, if he chose. So here I am having a serious semi-clinical discussion with Jaidan and we're discussing how he might feel when he comes home, depending on whether he had some lymph glands removed or not, etc. I was saying to him, 'when he was up and feeling himself' ....well...the trap snapped shut and he pounced...he'd set me up...again. Jaidan was thrilled at catching me up again! You had to be there to fully appreciate his glee! He always capped it with, 'Not to be rude or anything', and then he'd chuckle gleefully! It was always meant in a boyishly innocent 'gotcha' kind of way.

So now you know why the 'feeling himself' led me into the 'aaargh' and laughter above. Anyway, Jaidan just gave me a good laugh again! It's nice to have good memories! And I know he's probably watching me and getting a huge kick out 'getting me' again!

It was wonderful to meet others who cared so much for Jaidan. And I agree with you. It is a relief that Jaidan didn't have to suffer a lingering painful death. I know he did not want to die that way. I just wish, as we all must be, that it hadn't happened and he was still here! I know what you mean about not being able to hug him again. His awkward 'aw, shucks' attitude about hugging that he sometimes suffered from, even though he loved giving and receiving them, I'm going to miss that, too.

I have so many, many memories! All good ones of Jaidan. Jaidan was a good, born-old, child-like soul with a wonderful heart. I am going to miss him so much.

Erin Anderson
December 18, 2004

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Gentle.

If I were asked to define Jaidan in a word...that'd be it.

Gentle.

His gentleness was natural, no effort involved. He was naturally kind and caring. You felt it standing next to him, in conversations on the telephone, even in his emails. We couldn’t have asked for a more loyal, trustworthy & caring friend.

As I run down my list of friends in my email address book, sending out the latest joke, or quote, or cartoon…there he is, right between Jacquie and Janet.

Jaidan.

I miss you buddy.

The way you babied Sparky and Shadow…and even Alotta! Your gentleness didn’t end with people. It carried over to all living things, and even inanimate things. Like my computer, Alotta Ram. The hours you spent playing around on her to make her run like clockwork…just because you cared.

An example of your caring for our beloved pets. We called to tell you we were on our way home, a day earlier than planned. You didn't answer the phone. When we got home you explained that you couldn't answer the phone because Shadow had fallen asleep on your chest and you didn't want to disturb him. I think Sparky and Shadow enjoyed it when we went away...it meant Jaidan was coming! You were a good person, Jaidan.

I knew you’d have done anything for us…simply because you were our friend, Jaidan.

I admired your honesty and your love of nature, and your biking treks! How many trips over that mountain did you take to our place in Winfield? Now that’s a trek and a half! You enjoyed the night ride, the stars, the moon, the view, the peacefulness of the night ride. We were always grateful for your phone call when you arrived home safely. You cared.

I admired your patience…part of your gentleness. Let people be. Let them grow at their own pace.

I appreciated your support during difficult times: The CASA days. Dealing with tough issues. Growing. Learning. Becoming. Realising Family is not necessarily who you are born to...but who you choose to be with. You were our family Jaidan.

I so appreciated your feedback on my poems and writings…some of it not easy to read, but you read and you expressed your care. I will always be grateful for that. I could trust you with a most sacred part of me, and know it was safe. I enjoyed reading your poems, too…Sand Castles, I remember. So succinct, and yet said so much. Maybe I’ll be able to post it here sometime. I’d like that. I am hoping your other friends and family will contribute to this Memorial page…we were one small facet in the diamond of your life. I encourage others to share their memories.

I’m putting Enya for background music, Jaidan. You introduced us to her -- taped three cassettes for us. I fell in love with her music. Thank you.

I admired your lack of want for the material. I admired your compassion for the 'underdogs' in society. I admired your gentleness, Jaidan. Gentleness flowed from you like the sweet essence of 'fresh' after a rain.

We only have one picture of you Jaidan. You preferred to be behind the camera. But, the one photo we do have of you -- tobogganing at Winfield Elementary -- brings back great memories. What hoot we had that day! Endless sliding, tobogganing, crazy-carpeting...and snowball fights. That was a great day. The pic’s not real clear, but clear enough to see your SMILE -- What a smile, Jaidan. You could melt 'bergs with that smile.

We still have your phone messages on our answering machine. Finally brought myself to listen to them again. Wasn’t such a good idea…it just made the reality of you being gone all the more difficult to deal with. I can’t erase them. For now I’ll just know they’re there. Letting go? I don’t want to.

We lost a dear friend -- You, Jaidan. However will we carry on without you? The world changed November 28, 2004. I believe you’re in a better place. I truly do. It’s we, who are left behind, with a part of our hearts torn out, which bear the burden of continuing without you -- Not an easy feat, Jaidan.

Take good care, Buddy. We’ll meet again.

Shirley Harshenin
December 2, 2004

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